The world according to Clement

I’m a curly coat retriever and I’m rather handsome. My name is Clement and this is me in my boat.

I’m four years old, which means I’m just coming into my prime. I have a curly coat but there’s no kind of “poo” in me. Mum’s a curly coat retriever and Dad’s a rather fine labrador. I choose to identify as a curly coat retriever.

I live with my pet humans, William and Liesl. He’s my favourite and he goes with me to most places. William is a writer. Liesl’s had a few owners. They’re normally quite young and don’t stick around for long. 

DJ is one she was with for a while. But he preferred their daughter, Robyn, and her husband Grant, so he moved in with them. DJ comes to see me often. He brings Robyn to play and she brings a baby human with her. I’ve looked at the boy, Elijah is his name, and I can’t see what all the fuss is about. He’ll be more interesting when he’s grown a bit but at the moment I’m reserving judgement.

Now is a good time to tell you about another character in the house. 

There is a young upstart who has recently moved in with us, he’s spending quite a lot of time with Liesl. His name is Nico. The wee loon thinks he’s cute and lets them make a fuss of him, that’s his way of training them to do what he wants. He talks a lot, and he has a whiny voice. He’s training them to open the door when he whinges. But if they don’t come running he punishes them by peeing on the floor, and then they have to clean it up. He think’s he’s special because he’s learning to be a guide for pets who have no sight. I suppose it’s very generous of him to give up his time to do this. I was going to do it too when I was his age, but I changed my mind and now have a new career with William. 

Today, Nico and I got William up at seven o’clock, he’d been very good and slept right through the night. We took him into the garden and let him pick up our poo as a treat for sleeping well. Most days we let him do this before breakfast. It was sunny in the morning so we went for a walk. William can be very needy and he gets easily distracted. Because of this I clip on a lead and make him hold the other end when we’re out. To make sure he’s doesn’t get board we let him choose the route, it gives him something to concentrate on.

Tomorrow I’ll be taking William to a place in Basildon where he goes most days. He has stuff to do with other pets. I have a bed there and I like to sleep for most of the day. Sometimes I take him out to get some fresh air, if he is good I’ll let him pick up more poo. A friend of mine goes there on most days too, his name is Morris and he’s got a pet called Chelsey. She and William are always very busy.